6 Lessons for Meeting “The One” in Your 30s

Hitting your 30s can signal a time when you feel over the dating game and ready to finally have a real partner in life. You’ve done the hook ups, the situationships, the friends with benefits, the chase. The 30s are often a season of life when you naturally feel ready for more stability and consistency, and like it would be nice to have a partner to do life with. 

The thing is, dating in your 30s is different than dating in your 20s. These are six lessons I learned from dating in my 30s, and the absolute MOST important things for you to know when you’re over dating and truly ready to meet THE ONE.

1. Saying NO is the way to your YES

   Every time you say NO and stop dating someone who's not right, you move yourself closer into alignment with your person. When you start to develop the inner strength to walk away and set boundaries, that's a good sign that you’re on the right path to meeting someone who’s a really good fit. 

2. Wait for the fantasy to crash

   There's always going to be a fantasy stage when you first meet. You immediately start picturing the wedding and imagining having kids together. You may have a pattern of putting them on a pedestal and putting yourself below them. Wait a few weeks for yourself to come down from the initial high so that you can see them clearly for their true self. 

3. Figure out what you've been denying yourself

   Admitting to yourself what you REALLY want is the key to finding your soulmate. You know you've found it bc it feels vulnerable AF. This may be admitting that you want someone spiritual, you want someone who’s a leader, you want someone who gives love freely and abundantly. Whatever it is for you, it’s probably going to be different from what you consider to be your usual “type”. It will feel big when you get honest with yourself on what it is that you’ve been denying yourself. 

4. Meeting your person feels uncomfortable

   If it’s comfortable, you’re likely repeating an old pattern. Meeting the one is gonna feel weird, different, and vulnerable. If you’re used to going for unavailable guys, the chase is going to feel hot and exciting. But meeting someone who’s fully emotionally available will likely feel vulnerable and overwhelming. Resist the initial urge to run so that you can acclimate and start to feel safe receiving love.

5. Hot chemistry is usually a bad sign

   When the chemistry feels super hot, usually it's because it's sparking an attachment wound. It might mean hot sex, but not usually a good sign of a lasting, secure relationship. Wait to have sex until you have built trust and feel emotionally safe. This will create true sexual intimacy that will stay sexy through a long term relationship.

6. Healthy relationships move slow and steady

   If it feels like it's moving too fast, it's probably because it is. Asking to take a step back and slow down will give you all the info you need. The pace should feel like you’re building a friendship, not like you’re rushing to the finish line or sprinting to keep things going.

Remember, dating to meet your life partner is going to take something different than what you’ve done in the past. It will require you to look at your patterns and build some self-awareness. Having support in your corner to help you withstand the ups and downs, the hopes and the heartbreak, can make all the difference. 

If you’re interested in therapy or relationship coaching, go ahead and schedule a consultation on my calendar.