Is it too late for me to find love? Why dating in your 30s is even better.
So, you’re either entering your 30s or you’re in your 30s, and you’re wondering if it’s too late to find love. Sometimes you feel like you’ve missed the boat. A lot of your friends are already coupled up, and you feel like maybe it had to happen in your 20s, or else it’s just too late. There’s such a pressure around turning 30 for women in our society. As if by this arbitrary number, we have to have it all figured out - marriage, career, house, kids - all checked off. I want to challenge that notion and argue that your 30s are an even BETTER time to meet your person. Here’s why:
Your 20s are your first time entering adulthood. You're like a baby giraffe, trying to figure out how to stand on your own. You're just separating from your family of origin, and are sorting through what beliefs came from them and what beliefs are really yours. Your 20s is a natural season of life to experiment, make mistakes, and figure out who you are. You're still living from a place of reaction to childhood wounds, and often don’t have a lot of insight into who you are. Your 20s are often your first opportunity to experience some healing and try living differently than what you were conditioned to up until now.
Because of all of this, your relationships in your 20s often still reflect childhood patterns. We might be entering relationships from a place of believing we're not good enough and feeling desperate for validation. We go through a lot of heartbreak, and learn from our mistakes.
Once we get to the point of turning 30, we're leaving a really big season of life behind us and entering a new era. Turning 30 feels like a big deal because it is. We've been through some trials and tribulations, and we've earned some wisdom. Turning 30 is a rite of passage into adulthood, really and fully this time.
Our 30s are a different season of life, and we want different things. We're less likely to be out partying and experimenting, and are more likely to be interested in cultivating community, career, sustainable friendships, and deep relationships. We know ourselves better, and want a life that feels aligned. We're less willing to drain our energy on people, jobs, and situations that aren't giving us energy.
This is the PERFECT energy to be in when we're ready for a romantic partnership. Coming into a relationship knowing who you are, knowing what you need, asking clearly for what you want, having a vision for your life and seeing if this person is a good partner to walk your path with, is SO different from how we entered relationships in our 20s!
Getting the relationship you want comes down to your own relationship with yourself. Healing your childhood patterns, getting vulnerable with yourself on what your heart wants in a relationship, stopping chasing the IMAGE of what your mind wants, trusting that what you want is out there and believing you deserve it. If you're excited about doing this inner work, you're already on your path to the relationship.