6 Signs Your Inner Child Has Taken Over Your Dating Life
Have you noticed a pattern in relationships where you feel overly needy? Anxious all the time? Acting out in ways that you regret afterward? Staying in relationships that you know logically aren’t right for you? These could be signs that your inner child has taken over your dating life. This means that your adult relationships are being run by childhood patterns, and that you as an adult aren’t actually in the driver’s seat of your dating life. I’ll detail six specific signs below that indicate that your adult relationships are being run by childhood patterns.
Never feeling good enough
Even though you do so much for the other person, you always feel like you need to prove yourself to them. You might constantly feel unsure if the other person really likes or loves you, and feel like you’re always seeking more validation. You secretly worry that if they find out who you really are, they would leave you.
2. You feel desperate
Desperate for their validation, their attention, their text, for them to choose you, for them to like you, etc. This makes it hard to concentrate on your own life, because you’re often focused on getting other people’s approval. When you’re single, you feel desperate to find a relationship. Or you’re never really single and move from one relationship right into the next.
3. Anxiety
You consistently feel anxious while dating or in a relationship. You're worrying, thinking, obsessing, checking, wondering. You never feel quite safe, secure, and relaxed. Even when the other person reassures you, it might help temporarily, but doesn’t resolve the persistent underlying anxiety.
4. You’re terrified of them leaving you
Even when you logically know this person isn't good for you, you're afraid of them choosing someone else. Imagining the person you’re dating with someone else keeps you in relationships that aren’t healthy. You stay in toxic relationships because there is such a strong fear of them leaving you.
5. You don't like being single
You really don't like being single and you're constantly worrying about finding a partner. You feel so anxious to find "the one". Alternatively, you’re never really, truly single. You’re always “talking” to some guy. You’re already starting something (texting, talking on apps with, sleeping with, hanging out) with a new person before the last relationship fully ends.
6. Over-giving
You give ALL of yourself in relationships. You give your time, energy, attention, and care while often receiving little of that same energy back. This leaves you drained. But you can’t seem to stop giving so much because you’re worried if you don’t do all the things the other person will leave you.
All of these signs point back to childhood trauma and attachment wounding. If these resonate with you, know that healing is possible. It is possible to shift these dynamics so that you feel solid, secure, and relaxed in relationships. It takes engaging in personal healing work to resolve the trauma and heal the attachment wounding so that your inner child feels safe and loved. Therapy can help you gain the confidence to leave unhealthy relationships, learn to enjoy your single life and focus on yourself, and hold out for partners who respect you and make you feel seen, loved, and understood.